If she had the proper words to say,

I'm so busy lately, and I keep meaning to update, but then have no time to do so. As a result, here are some bullets of the going-ons in my life as of late:

• Runza was burglarized on Friday, the 26th. No one was at the store at the time (it as early morning - about 6am), so we were all safe.


• But it's an "inside job," as someone used a key and also was able to open the safe to empty the contents (and said safe has a pretty complex code).


• This is causing me GREAT unease. I clearly don't know someone as well as I thought I did - whether it is one of us four current staff with such access (including myself), or one of the two staff who left in the last couple months (both of whom I consider to be friends).


• The fingerprint dust from the detectives all over the office caused me to have several freak-outs. Too much of a trigger from the other robberies. *sigh*


• Because of the burglary, we have been piecing the store back together in the past week. I have worked a lot of hours. A LOT. And this past week contained the "end of month" stuff for my monthly bookkeeping role anyway. It has been a really heavy week.


• Next week looks to be about the same for the first three days. The four of us are also now required to travel to Lincoln, to the Runza National office, to be interviewed individually by a theft committee.


• We're still waiting to hear the final word on taking polygraphs. We were told originally that we would need to, we all agreed to do so, and then they decided, "No, not just yet. Let's do the committee meetings first."


• I received a lovely, super-duper surprise from mostcurious! She knitted me my very own, PoA-style Slytherin scarf! I don't have pics to share yet, though. :-/


• I got my hair cut on Friday night after work. I told the gal to do what she wanted, and it is VERY different! Again, no pics yet.


• The boys' school pictures came in, and they are both good. A.J.'s pic is PHENOMENAL, in fact. I was very pleased, and I've been working on getting them mailed out.


• I took family portraits for a friend visiting from Florida on very short notice, and she LOVES them. I'm very happy, and you can see those HERE, if you're interested. I still need to burn her a CD of the images and mail it to her...


• Today is my little godson's birthday! Only he's not so little anymore - he's now TWO! Happy Birthday, Douglas!


• It is OCTOBER already. How did that happen?! Seriously, Jack will have been 7 for two months already next week, and A.J.'s been 10 almost as long. That is insane! My little (not so much!) guys haven't yet decided on costumes for this year, though we keep looking...


• I still need to get Halloween decorations up. Jack has been begging to put them up this year (I didn't decorate last year at all, as October was a difficult time), and I was just too darn busy this week. I'm hoping to get to it before...


• bigbrain61 comes to visit on Wednesday! Dude, I'm so stoked! I've known him online for about 5.5 years now, and we'll finally get to meet in person! He'll be here from Wednesday evening to early Friday afternoon - I can't wait!


• Speaking of online friends, I passed my 6th LiveJournal anniversary on 09/22. Can you believe that? Craziness! Thanks to all of you who've made this such a great place for so many, many years. *hug*


• Aaaaannnnnd, in BIGGER news, Philip and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary on 9/12. We marked the occasion by renewing our vows, and a handful of very close friends celebrated with us at our church. There were tears, of course, but for the first time in about a year, they were really HAPPY tears! Heather took a few pics for me, but I don't have them up yet, either...


• Also in the works, Philip and I are headed to Colorado in January for a ski trip! We will be gone for five days, and it will be only the second time we've ever been alone in our entire marriage (the first was for one night last December while we were in West Virginia). We've already paid our deposits, and we're really looking forward to it. Philip will be skiing and snowboarding, and I plan to veg out in the beautiful scenery with my camera, some tatting, and good hot cocoas. We'll spend our evenings in the condo with another couple, making homemade meals and chatting and playing games - I'm so excited!

I'm sure there's so much more I need to update about, but I've got to get moving and push some more laundry through. I've got leaves to rake in the backyard, laundry to put away, dinner to fix, and a mandatory full-staff employee meeting tonight to attend as well. Go, go, go - that's me!

Heather *just* called me, and she was driving down Galvin Rd. and saw tons of police cars and police tape surrounding the lot of the store where I was robbed twice.

It must have happened again.

On the one hand, just hearing that made a chill run down my spine. Immediately I pictured Carmelle or Cyndy in my position during either of the robberies last year, and I felt scared for them. As it happens, I've been thinking a LOT about the robberies in the last two weeks myself, unable to shake the knowledge that the anniversary of the first one is coming up very soon. Just a few nights ago, in fact, I read through every entry from last year under the 'robbery' tag in my journal, and I was bawling before I was done.

(And I wished later that I hadn't read through them, but it seemed I was unable to stop myself while I was doing it.)

On the other hand, a very tiny part of me is embarrassed to say that I feel just the tiniest bit... vindicated?? in hearing that there has been another robbery. After the second robbery last year, I couldn't help but feel insecure, and I wondered if the robber (who I'm sure was a repeat offender, in my case) preyed on my weaknesses. I wondered why BOTH robberies had to happen on days where ONLY I was working. I almost felt like it was my FAULT, even, and I hated feeling that way.

I've not been in that store since October, and I know for certain that this one is not about me. That store, along with the companies that own it, are the ones with a problem. And until they are willing to do more to protect the store and the employees, this will keep happening.

I hope the higher-ups finally *get* that message in light of today's events. And I do hope that whoever was in the store today is okay. I'm really worried about the two ladies now, but I know that it wouldn't help anyone for me to call up there right now.

The boys were so excited this morning to wake up to SNOW! It's been snowing lightly all morning, and it's just fast enough, just wet enough and just cold enough to stick a little. I dressed Jack early this morning (usually I wait until after we've taken A.J. to school), and then we headed out to catch snowflakes on our tongues for a few minutes.

( And there are pictures. )

It was time to take A.J. to school then, but we took an opposite route so we'd be heading the right way to get to Wal*Mart right afterwards. A.J. hopped out and ran into the group crowding to get in the doors and out of the falling snow, and Jack and I continued on our way. Wal*Mart was very pleasantly deserted this morning at 8am, and we had no trouble finding a parking spot. We walked straight back to the music aisle and snatched up the HP soundtrack. Yay! (And I unwrapped the CD and put it in the player in the car immediately, of course!)

We listened happily all the way to Vidlak's Family Cafe for breakfast. Jack had his usual scrambled eggs, ham and toast, and I had the same but with biscuits. Their hot cocoa was especially good this morning too, but that might have been due to the snow outside and making me FEEL all cozy. :-)

After breakfast, we went to the bank. Then I had to go to the police station to sign another paper for them. There are still no leads, but it was an extension paper for the report - something like that. It was quick, and we were in and out of the station in under five minutes.

We've been home for a while now, and I don't intend to go back out today. It's snowy and slushy, and I'm don't need anything from anywhere. We've got lots of food and milk, and we'll just enjoy this first snow for however long it lasts. :-)

What happened yesterday at the store:

A crew of workers had been busy on the new McDonalds next door practically all day. They have been for weeks and weeks now, and I feel infinitely safer with them there. However, yesterday they packed all up and went home around 4:30-4:40pm. I noticed this as I was vacuuming the store's front room. Still, I was really just fine.

Just minutes before 5:30, I'd already made calls to each of the five checks I had left for the day. I'd not been able to reach a single one of them, so I'd left all the appropriate messages. The store never really has any *new* business right there at the end of the day - the only folks we usually see are the ones I just called and gently "reminded" that they had a check due. Since I'd not reached anyone, it was okay for me to go ahead and start the closing procedures. The store has a new 10-minute safe, and I entered my code and set the timer. I then made my calls in the back office, but I took my five checks out to the front counter to grab a paperclip and clip them together. I was probably only in the front for about 10 seconds altogether at that point. In that time, I also grabbed a sticky note off the counter, stuck it over the clip on the checks, and was in the process of writing "PTP" on the note-

The door chimed then, and I jumped pretty badly. I messed up the final 'P' in my notation, even. I jumped because I'd *just* walked out there, and I knew there were no cars in the parking lot... meaning no customers that should be approaching the door right about then. It was just a split-second after I jumped that I looked up.

And saw the black mask again. And knew. Knew it was all happening again.

The man walked from the front door straight to the counter in front of me. He pulled a white Wal*Mart plastic bag out of his pocket and told me he wanted all the money. I did not see a weapon at all this time, but I still didn't hesitate to give him what he wanted. He told me to be faster about it, asked me what was taking so long, but I was already shaking as I grabbed the stacks straight from the cash drawer. I knew that the safe was still ticking away the 10 minutes at my feet. As soon as I'd put the money in the bag he was leaning over the counter, he pulled it back to himself. At that moment, he kinda leaned down to his left, and I took that SECOND that he wasn't looking to shut the cabinet doors in front of me knees to cover the safe, hoping that if he didn't see it, he wouldn't think about it. He straightened up and then proceeded to walk around the front counter towards me.

I knew it hadn't worked. I guessed that he knew the safe was located there, and he was going to want the money in it. I was already anticipating an awful reaction when I had to tell him he'd have little choice but to spend the next 6 minutes or so sitting on the floor with me, waiting for it to give me the all-clear to open. I was terrified just thinking of that scenario.

But thankfully, I was wrong. Instead, the robber walked right past me and the safe, straight to the doorway which connects the front to the back of the store. He yelled at me to get in the back room, and it only took a few steps to do as he demanded. He pointed and told me to sit in "that chair," and I started bawling - it was the exact same chair I'd already been taped to once before. It took me just four or five steps to get to the chair to sit, but the robber - instead of following me to the chair - used that time to walk straight to the back door, unlatch the lock, go out and then slam the door shut. In fact, the exact moment I sat down and turned around, I saw his foot go out the door.

For a second, I was stunned. That was it. It was over. Then I jumped up. I knew that the back door had no handle on the outside, no way for it to be opened without a crowbar or something, so there was no point in my sitting there. I grabbed my keys out of my purse and then RAN to the front of the store and locked that door. I snatched the phone off the counter and dialed '911' next.

Minutes later, the police began responding. It was all over... again.

---

I don't gamble, but I'm telling you now - I would BET MONEY that it was the EXACT SAME GUY. The man had the same build, the same voice (as best I can remember - I realize it's hard to be certain there). He wore the same ski-mask/toboggan thing over his entire face and hair. He used a white plastic Wal*Mart bag to carry off his loot again. He knew where to point to the chair for me to sit before he'd even quite entered the back office. He knew exactly how to exit the store.

It had to be the same guy. In fact, I'd even bet money that it was the same guy that was on the phone just a few weeks ago. (Didn't we all kinda think so?) I even think that the guy probably tried the back door before coming around to the front. Unfortunately, the store wasn't really any more protected than the last time.

I also think that the guy had been watching me again. For example, since the first robbery, I now lock up the doors before I even *START* to count the closing cash and stuff. I usually do it around 5:45, sometimes even at 5:40. I think he knew he couldn't wait until 6pm anymore, so I think he came as soon as he dared after waiting for all the McDonalds crew to leave. And thinking/surmising THAT probably freaks me out the most - knowing that I've probably been watched all these many weeks where I was finally feeling "safe" again.

Of course, I cried for a good while last night. Again, poor Annie was at home with the boys and hated that she couldn't come up to be with me. Again, Heather came up to the store to be with me. The officers found bootprints in the dirt outside the back door this time, so they blocked off the entire lot, and Heather had to hang out at Arby's down the hill for a while before they gave me permission to have her come on up. Not one of the officers last night was the same from the first robbery, nor were any of them the same officer who had responded to the phone call weeks ago.

When the police initially responded, I had locked myself in the store and was waiting for them in the front room, still trying to catch sight of ANYTHING out the windows. I'd heard their sirens quickly but didn't actually see them for a few more minutes. They scanned all the back lot first, since I'd told the dispatch that the robber had gone out the back again. The officer tapped on the glass door as I was looking the other way, and I just about jumped out of my skin! I unlocked the door for him, and he immediately had me come outside instead.

I needed to call Carmelle, but her number was on the speed dial on the phone inside the store. I had her home number programmed into my cell phone, but she wasn't home, and I'm sure I left her a fairly unintelligible message. I called Annie then, and she had a clear head about her and reminded me that I had Carmelle's cell number written on my fridge. She gave it to me, and I hung up and called Carmelle then. I didn't reach her, but she arrived just then anyway. As it turns out, she'd called the store about 5 minutes before, and when I didn't answer, she became worried and jumped right in her car and headed to me. She *never* calls me at closing, so I can only guess why she would have last night... (we'd had a bad morning working together, as you can go back and read about in this backdated post HERE). Regardless, it turned out to be a good thing that she had tried to call and was alarmed and had headed to the store. She gave me a stiffer-than-usual hug (we were both still kinda mad at each other, I'm sure - I know I kinda was), but this time the police really wouldn't allow her to talk to me much at all. They really kept me separated from everyone.

After an hour or so, the detective took only me back inside the store, and he had me stop the tape and rewind it for him. That was different - last time, the robbery itself wasn't on tape since it all happened in the back room, but a tape of the suspected suspect was released to CrimeStoppers of the man the day before in the store. I've still not seen the other tape, but I've now watched the one from last night about 5 times. The detective had me talk him through my statement and the tape a few times, and he was asking me specifics about coloring and stuff - since our video surveillance is only black-and-white. And this time, the actual robbery is on tape.

Who knew that I'd be connected to CrimeStoppers twice this year?

*sigh*

The police eventually left, and Heather and I left just moments later. Carmelle finished up the store, and I have no idea how long she might've been there. She did tell me before I left that she'd "be the first one to respect [my] decision not to come back."

---

On the emotional front, I'm much better - at least - I *feel* that I'm much better off this time. Lots of things were the same with the robbery, but some very key things were different. The robber didn't punch me from behind. In fact, he never really touched me at all this time. He didn't appear to have a weapon at all (of course, a tiny part of me wonders if a weapon might've been revealed if I'd refused to give him the money this time BECAUSE I wasn't seeing anything). He didn't mention my car or my keys, nor did he grab at anything else (purse, etc). He didn't tape me up to a chair. He didn't threaten me not to call the police. It was just all so FAST this time.

Of course, I cried. But by the time I finally left the store, I was just about done with the tears. I was more MAD than anything else. Mad that really nothing had changed from the first robbery. Mad that this guy found it so easy that he had no problems doing it again. Just MAD.

I called Janiece on the way home, and she came right over. I called Jamie as well, but she was having a rough day of her own. :-( Still, Annie, Heather, Janiece and I talked on the couches until after midnight - we talked about the robbery some, naturally, but after that, we just turned into an impromptu "girlie night" - Chinese food and everything. It was good to get away from the ugliness of earlier. Unfortunately, being my friend can be quite exhausting and stressful for them: as it turns out, all three of the chicks who spent the evening with me woke up feeling awful today and having horrible headaches. :-(

I worked today, and there was an "incident."

*sigh*

The morning went just fine. I got to the store, left and did my usual bank runs and collected one check, and when I returned to the store, I had 3 cars already waiting for me. It was 9:58am, and the first man began to chew me out, saying he'd been there for almost 20 minutes. I calmly explained to him that, though there is usually someone at the store by 8:30, we *do* have to do our opening business and that includes leaving the store. We do not technically open until 10am, so you can't always count on someone being there.

See, a lot of customers have gotten spoiled during the weekdays. Carmelle and Cyndy are both at the store on weekdays, and only one of them leaves for the bank runs, and the other is more than happy to help customers who come in well before 10am. Some Saturdays, I've even had a customer come in before 9am when I leave for the banks. Still, you can't get mad at me when we're not technically even open yet.

So the morning started off with a bang, and while I was handling the first three customers that had been waiting in the parking lot, another three trickled in - it was crazy! Finally, the morning "rush" was over, and I had time to actually put away the money bags from the bank and process the check I had been able to collect.

The rest of the morning continued at a steady pace. Not too busy, but I wasn't sitting around bored either. I had made all the calls and processed all the checks and paperwork for Monday, and I was in the middle of dusting when I got a phone call. I glanced at the caller ID, and it showed a local number and the name "Paul P------." I picked it up, and continued dusting while I handled the call.

The man sounded like a white male, and I would've placed him in the 30-45 year-old range using his voice. He was very chatty to begin with, and he wanted to know what things he needed to bring in with him to open a new account. He didn't know where we were located, and I had to give him pretty specific directions. He also needed the entire loan process explained to him. With the radio playing in the background (noise, in other words), I explained everything to him, and he asked me some specific questions about some charges on his bank statement (one of the required things). Since his bank was WellsFargo and was therefore still open at the time of the call, I advised him to go to his nearest branch and have them print out a more recent statement. The conversation then progressed as follows:

Man: Well, there's a branch here next to me at L Street and 24th. Do you think all the WellsFargo's are the same and are all open until 4pm?

Me: I can't say for certain, but you could always call them first and verify. I know that the branch just down the street from me here and the one over on 370 are both open until 4pm, though.

Man: Okay, well my car is broken down, so all I've got is a bicycle. I'm going to go to the branch near me first, and if it's not open, I'll head to the branch out there near you and then I'll be up to your store.

Me: Okay, sounds good.

Man: It'll probably take me about an hour to get there, and it's really f*ckin' hot out there right now.

Me: I'm sure it is.

Man: Yeah, I'll probably be really sweaty by the time I get there. You think I could take a shower there?

Me: (I chuckled a bit because I was sure he was just kidding) No, I don't think so. You can't shower here. You wouldn't want to anyway, as we don't have hot water here in the store. (And no, we really don't.)

Man: Oh, that's okay. I'm sure me and you could work up some friction and get it warmed up in there pretty well-

Me: (a bit freaked out now) Um, no. I don't think so-

Man: (interrupting) You still working in there all by yourself on Saturdays?

Me: (floored - I swear, I nearly dropped the phone) How could this complete stranger, this man claiming to not know where our store is located nor anything about how our store works, POSSIBLY know that I was alone? How would he know to word his question about Saturdays specifically? How could he know enough to ask if I was "still working in here all by myself"??

I was really freaked out then, and I walked over to the front door, opened and shut it, causing the bell to ring, told him I had a customer to take care of and hung up.

After having two mostly paranoia-free Saturday shifts under my belt - nevermind an easy morning today - I was immediately gripped with fear and anxiety. I went back over the conversation in my head, trying to look at it from an outsider's point-of-view. I wondered if I were just still being super-sensitive to suspicious things, and if the guy's sentence would have triggered any alarms for the average person. You know - would the average person, and not one who had been through a scary robbery just 6 weeks prior, find anything odd in that question?

I decided that they would. I called Carmelle on her cell phone, but it didn't even ring and was immediately directed to her voicemail. I left her a message. I debated for another couple of minutes, and then I called Cyndy, too. I decided that I would, at least, see what she thought. She answered, and I explained to her the phone call. She also thought it sounded VERY suspicious, and she told me to hang up and call the police dispatch.

I dialed the number off the sticky note on Cyndy's desk (she had it there in case anyone had remembered any more details about the robbery), and a nice officer answered right away. I explained who I was, where I was and what had just happened. The officer knew me right away when I told her "I'm the one who was robbed at Payday USA on the 30th of July." I told her the story of the man's phone call, and when I got to that line, she gasped audibly and then blurted out, "No, no, no! That's not a normal question AT ALL." She dispatched an officer to come and speak with me at the store and to get more information.

I called Cyndy back to let her know that I'd called the police and they were sending someone out. At this point, we were still expecting the guy to show up on his bike, and the clock had been ticking - there was about 40 minutes left. Cyndy had reached Carmelle in the meantime, and just a few minutes later, Carmelle burst into the store. I recounted the story to her, and she looked TICKED. Again, she agreed that it was NOT an acceptable question, and she even said flat-out, "If this guy knew that you worked by yourself on Saturdays, then he's already checked the place out before."

But this time we had a bit more info. We had a phone number and a name to go with the call. The police officer arrived and talked to me for a bit in the front of the store. He was a motorcycle unit, and he'd come up to the store from behind. I gave him a recount of the call, the time of the call and the guy's name and phone number. The officer told me he would continue to swing by the store for the rest of the afternoon, and he also told me that he was going to take the information back to headquarters and run the number and name and see if anything popped up. He told me that if anything substantial did, he would give that information over to the folks in charge of the robbery case so they could possibly cross-reference and see if there were any matches - but he told me, of course, that he couldn't promise there'd be anything.

Carmelle stayed for about an hour altogether, and then she had to leave as she had a commitment this afternoon. Cyndy drove in from Plattsmouth and stayed for the next hour, and we just waited to see if the guy would show up. Around 3pm, the police officer called the store. He told me they had run the number, found that it was a cell phone and he had called the guy. When the guy answered, he'd explained everything, and he told me that the guy apologized to him about 15 times. He told me that he'd told the man that he really needed to watch what he said when he was calling a financial institution of any sort. I asked the officer if the guy had said whether or not he was on his way or was still planning on coming to the store, but he didn't know for sure.

Cyndy finally left about a half-hour later, and I continued to wait the rest of the afternoon. I was certainly nervous, but I also felt that the policeman's calling the guy had, more than likely, at least scared him away from our store, and he'd probably just gone somewhere else -- if it was actually his intent to just get a loan this afternoon. I still feel that his question was SUPER-SUSPICIOUS... but at least nothing bad happened this afternoon.

However, I find that I am quite drained. All in a day's work, right?

*sigh*

Last week was a week full of spontaneous tears and frustrations. Little things would set me off, and they seemed to pop up in the most unlikely of places. I felt like I could never 'prepare' myself, and that I kept seeing the mask of the robber in everyday things. It was painful.

The robbery was on Saturday, of course. I spent some time on Sunday morning with both Pastor Glenn and my Stephen Minister, Nancy. The boys and I attended the picnic in the park that afternoon, and I spent over 2.5 hours talking through my experience with those caring women. On Monday, I called Anne Dalton of Family Support (which actually turned out to be the wrong person, but she has still continued to work with me and call me at home to see how I'm doing), and she helped put me in touch with Legal on base and also with the people at VWAP (Victim & Witness Assistance Program) - I met with them on Thursday for over an hour. And on Tuesday, Nancy came over and talked with me for another 2.5 hours or so while the boys played outside.

Also on Thursday, I called Carmelle at the store and made the difficult decision not to work that Saturday. I knew that Carmelle had a chemo appointment the following day and that my calling in meant that Cyndy would have to work the store alone on Saturday - I was so worried for her safety. Still, I couldn't face returning again that day.

Friday was a day of peace, knowing that I didn't have to go back to the store the next day. Friday was also the day of Jack's party, and it was freeing to not have the fears of the next workday looming over me.

All week though, I had been praying for discernment. I was so torn between going back or staying home. I mean, I loved my job there - it was easy enough, and it gave me the precious time I so needed each week to "recharge" - on the other hand, it no longer felt safe. I felt so guilty leaving Cyndy and Carmelle to themselves when the store is in the middle of transitioning from one chain to another, plus in the middle of Carmelle's chemo treatments. I knew I was lost as far as knowing what to do, so I prayed that when the decision came to me, that it would be very, very clear - otherwise I might miss it.

On Saturday morning, I woke such courage, such determination. I saw myself going back - no question. I felt that I had to at least try, that I had no way of knowing whether I'd be able to get past the event if I didn't try working again. If I never went back, I'd never know. I was at peace with my decision, and telling people this week has been easier than I'd estimated. I'm going back. I am going back.

However, I *am* still going to continue seeing folks to help get me through this. Nancy has been invaluable to me during this time (before even, really). I have up to 8 sessions pre-approved through TriCare with Dr. Jane, and my first one is this afternoon. I'm feeling good about things.

One area I have been frustrated with is the videotape. Though Detective Melvin contacted me and told me it would air on Wednesday, Aug. 3rd, the tape did not, in fact, air that night. Nor did it air the next night. However, it DID air on CrimeStoppers on Friday evening, but of course, all the folks who'd been set up to catch it for me had quit watching by that point. I have had several contact me this week to tell me that they did see it, but no one has a copy.

At the Channel 7 News CrimeStoppers website, there is a place to read the story and see an image from the things that have aired on TV. However, when I first found the site, the last time it had been updated was July 20th - 10 days before the robbery. I contacted the web staff, explaining who I was, and I asked if they could possibly give me an idea when the tape my be added to the website. I received this response a day and a half later:

I'm sorry, but I was out of the office for several weeks with an injury. I won't be able to go back and load that Crime Stoppers.

However, your segment did air Aug. 5 in the 10 p.m. show. You can get VHS copies of stories featured on KETV NewsWatch 7 by Universal Information Services: (402) 342-3178 or visit http://www.universal-info.com/

- S. Woolman

*sigh* I just wanted the ease of finding it on a website instead. Plus, I'm not sure how I feel about having a copy of the tape just yet. A still image is one thing - a tape is something entirely different.

Yesterday afternoon, Detective Melvin called my house while we were out with Annie at the commissary and pharmacy. He left a message for me to call him back, but I didn't get it in time, and he'd already left for the day. He said that he would call again this morning, but instead I called him first. He had a few more questions for me - mainly about the robber's hands and to check if I'd remembered anything new for the case. As I was talking to him on his cell phone, he told me he was driving to Channel 7 news.

The police had been successful somewhat in cleaning up the tapes from Friday afternoon when the suspect had come inside the store and been checking out the interior and video surveillance. He said he was dropping it off to the news station to be aired on 'CrimeStoppers.' Not specifically meaning on the TV, I asked the detective if he would please let me know if he knew or heard when anything would be mentioned in the papers or online about the case (I'd looked twice before and not found anything yet myself). He told me that he would, and I had to hang up with him then to make sure that we got out the door in time for our appointments this morning.

When I returned back home again this afternoon after 3:30pm, there were four messages on the machine. One was from Detective Melvin. The videotape of the suspect will be airing tonight on Channel 7 News (actually Channel 9) at 10 o'clock. I hadn't expected it to air so soon!

Janiece's husband is going to tape the segment for me tonight. Though I do want to see the tape, as I'd like to know what the suspected robber looks like (considering I couldn't see much of him from the mask, sunglasses and flannel shirt), I'm not ready to see it yet. He will tape it for me tonight, and I'll watch it sometime when I can be surrounded by a support group later.

And that's that. *sigh*

As for the 'Parents at Home' picnic, I am so glad that we went. I am so glad that *I* went, especially since, at the time, I wanted nothing more than to just drop into my bed for a nice, long nap.

It was exactly what I needed.

It was not hard for me to find Halleck Park per Jan's directions. The park is gorgeous, too - a beautiful bridge overlooking a pond filled with geese and swans, ballfields, a tire maze, playground equipment, a picnic pavilion and plenty of 'green space' to play in - just a perfect setting.

I spotted the special sprinkler first. :-) Chris Tackett's husband Phil (one of the men who mows my lawn, actually) is a cop and has "connections" with the Papillion Fire Department. As such, he'd arranged for the FD to connect a hose to the hydrant near the pavilion, and then they attached a very special U-shaped sprinkler head to it. The effect was amazing! HUGE sprays jetted out of the neat sprinkler, and the crowd of kids was loving it. I saw Jan waving to me just beyond the sprays, and I pulled into the lot.

The boys jumped out of the van so fast. Though the picnic was scheduled from 1:30-5:00, we arrived just after 3pm. Instantly, I was surrounded by people wanting to know if I was okay. Caring! I was so touched.

It really was a perfect afternoon, the circumstances aside. I'd imagined that such a large event full of many families would also mean that most of the 'mommy' talks would involve children balanced on a hip or running by to request another drink, etc. That wasn't how it transpired, though. Instead, all the different ages of children played well with one another and entertained themselves even better. All of the 'mommies' grouped at two tables, and a few of the 'daddies' grouped together over by the play equipment and watched. Eventually, the sprinkler had to be turned off (we'd flooded surrounding area to water over ankle-deep).

(You can see pictures from the day HERE.)

And it was such good conversation, too. Everyone was so relaxed and happy. The summer was drawing to a close, and we were relishing these last few moments before we begin to "switch gears," so to speak.

The gals did want to know more about the robbery, of course, and they supported me while I struggled through the story yet again. Just as many of you have expressed that a certain part was hard to read, people in "real life" have a part too, and I've seen it many times now. I've noticed that hands fly to cover mouths every time I tell of the robber covering my mouth with tape and telling me he was going to take my keys so I couldn't leave. Tears leak out of eyes everytime I tell of, later, the robber putting a second batch of tape on my mouth and then telling me that he'd decided to leave me my keys so that I could get home to my kids. So far, the story has not gotten easier to tell; rather, I think it's getting a bit harder.

Just about half an hour before 5pm, when over half of the crowd had already left for home, eight of us were still talking at one picnic table. A picture was taken, and I'd like to share it here:


From left to right, moving up the table and then back down:
Carol Ann, Trish, Jan (her ballcap, anyway!), Amy, Kelly, me, Chris and Cindy

Before we parted ways at the end of the picnic, these women all gathered around me for a very heartfelt, very serious moment of prayer. I stayed seated where I was, and each of the women put a hand on me and prayed aloud for my comfort. It was the most uplifting moment of my day, and I am most thankful that we attended the picnic for that single, solitary moment.

Later on in the evening, the boys and I went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. It was my first real meal in over 24 hours (I'd just had no appetite, really), and even then, all I wanted was a salad. It did hit the spot though, and then the boys settled in to bed.

I talked to Philip's mom again for a long time last night, and finally it was after midnight and I had to get in the shower. I lathered my hair up per my normal routine, but when I tilted my head back into the spray to rinse out the shampoo, something happened.

As I closed my eyes to avoid the spray, I found myself seeing nothing except the hateful, scary, intimidating and mask-covered face of the robber. I cried out, ripped my eyes open, and then I couldn't believe that it had just happened. I was scared to death in my own shower.

It was an awful, nearly indescribable feeling. I guess that, even though it had only been just over 24 hours since the incident, I'd already begun to subconciously make a few "rules" for myself as to when I'd be allowed to "flip out" or something. I was anticipating and expecting to have trouble falling asleep at night and the like... but I was NOT expecting to have trouble closing my eyes during a shower.

It was 1:45am when I stepped out of the shower. I desperately needed someone to talk to then, but I was too afraid to call anyone for fear of waking them up. :-(

I hate feeling this way. Hate. It. I am not like this. I am not one to burst into tears over the tiniest thing. I am not one to carry fears with me. I am not scared easily, even. I hate this.

Yes, I was robbed at knifepoint while closing the store tonight. Because it is now after 11pm, and I'm just getting my wits about me again, I'll put this here. To make it easier on myself though, I'm just going to type in what I wrote on the police report tonight (they were nice enough to make me a copy).

( Robbed. )