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May. 11th, 2005 12:13 amIt's raining! It's raining, and for this I am so unbelievably thankful!
May. 11th, 2005
Expectations
May. 11th, 2005 12:28 pmHAPPY BIRTHDAY, JANET!
I hope you have an awesome day,
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kechara!In other news, I have lots to update about: pictures, tears, dreams, A.J stuff (will be filtered) and probably more pictures. Stay tuned, though; I'm not staying on the computer right now, but I'll be back to post later. :-)
Dreams and tears.
May. 11th, 2005 03:48 pmI was sleeping. It was mid-afternoon, and I snuggled down for a nap before time to pick up A.J. from school. At 3:05, the alarm went off. I got up, stumbled out of my room and into the entryway. Philip was helping Jack put on his shoes, and he was saying, "C'mon, Jack. Get your shoes on because we've all gotta go and pick up A.J."
At this moment, I realized that, *duh* - Philip was home. HE could go pick up A.J. by himself. I didn't NEED to go with him to do so. I told him these things, and then said that I was going to crawl back in bed for another hour or so of my nap. And I did. And Philip and Jack picked A.J. up from school, and I was left to snuggle in my dreams for a bit more.
...
^ That was my dream yesterday afternoon while I actually *was* napping before picking A.J. up from school. I laid down at 2pm, and I had the alarm set for 3:05. I snoozed it at 3:05, and then I woke up again at 3:14. When I woke up for REAL, I was hit with the hard realization that Philip really, really wasn't home. He really, really couldn't go pick up A.J. for me.
And it had all felt so real. So very real. I was crushed. Why are dreams so cruel? I felt the tears sting in my eyes, but I told myself there wasn't time to cry right then - A.J. needed to be picked up, and even with my clock set 5 minutes fast, we were still going to be about 5 minutes late. (Though we actually got there just as A.J. was finally mosey-ing out of the school - so no harm done, then.)
I've come so close to tears so many times this week, and they've all been relatively small things, so I haven't really let myself cry over them. The first time was spilling my drink all over the driveway last Friday night. The second time was two afternoons ago, when we were driving back home from running an errand. On the side of the road, I saw an older couple out for a walk, and they were holding hands. At the same moment I found myself saying, "Awww," I was also struck by a heartbreaking desire to BE them. To BE on a walk with my husband, and to BE holding his hand. I wanted to be doing that, and I came to tears when I had to tell myself that I couldn't "right now."
And then this dream yesterday afternoon. It hurts, you know - to be separated like this. We're only closing in on the 4-month mark, so there's still quite a bit of time left that Philip will be gone. The rote answer, of course, is to always say, "We're fine, really," whenever people ask, and it's partly true, partly not. We *are* fine. Life still goes on here, and we're not holding our breaths waiting for anything. But we're also living around a big hole - the absence of daddy and husband. And no matter how many times I shrug it off, the reality is that it keeps coming back.
At this moment, I realized that, *duh* - Philip was home. HE could go pick up A.J. by himself. I didn't NEED to go with him to do so. I told him these things, and then said that I was going to crawl back in bed for another hour or so of my nap. And I did. And Philip and Jack picked A.J. up from school, and I was left to snuggle in my dreams for a bit more.
...
^ That was my dream yesterday afternoon while I actually *was* napping before picking A.J. up from school. I laid down at 2pm, and I had the alarm set for 3:05. I snoozed it at 3:05, and then I woke up again at 3:14. When I woke up for REAL, I was hit with the hard realization that Philip really, really wasn't home. He really, really couldn't go pick up A.J. for me.
And it had all felt so real. So very real. I was crushed. Why are dreams so cruel? I felt the tears sting in my eyes, but I told myself there wasn't time to cry right then - A.J. needed to be picked up, and even with my clock set 5 minutes fast, we were still going to be about 5 minutes late. (Though we actually got there just as A.J. was finally mosey-ing out of the school - so no harm done, then.)
I've come so close to tears so many times this week, and they've all been relatively small things, so I haven't really let myself cry over them. The first time was spilling my drink all over the driveway last Friday night. The second time was two afternoons ago, when we were driving back home from running an errand. On the side of the road, I saw an older couple out for a walk, and they were holding hands. At the same moment I found myself saying, "Awww," I was also struck by a heartbreaking desire to BE them. To BE on a walk with my husband, and to BE holding his hand. I wanted to be doing that, and I came to tears when I had to tell myself that I couldn't "right now."
And then this dream yesterday afternoon. It hurts, you know - to be separated like this. We're only closing in on the 4-month mark, so there's still quite a bit of time left that Philip will be gone. The rote answer, of course, is to always say, "We're fine, really," whenever people ask, and it's partly true, partly not. We *are* fine. Life still goes on here, and we're not holding our breaths waiting for anything. But we're also living around a big hole - the absence of daddy and husband. And no matter how many times I shrug it off, the reality is that it keeps coming back.
In no particular order, here are random things that are on my desk at this very moment:
My desk was spotless two nights ago. How did this happen? Oh yeah - in the rush to come in from playing outside earlier, everything just got tossed on my desk. :-P
See?
Now it's your turn. Comment here and tell me some random things on your desk - things that probably shouldn't be there. And if you are one of *those* with nothing on your desk that shouldn't be there at the moment... well then, just keep quiet! ;-D
- a dirty pair of purple, low-cut socks (mine)
- two cordless phones
- an almost-empty squeeze bottle of Ketchup
- A.J.'s milk cup (waiting to be refilled)
- a snack-size Skittles wrapper
- my empty Raspberry Fruit2O water bottle
- mine and
Heather's Neil Diamond tickets - a picture of tabbyfoo's little Korben
- the GameBoy
My desk was spotless two nights ago. How did this happen? Oh yeah - in the rush to come in from playing outside earlier, everything just got tossed on my desk. :-P
See?
Now it's your turn. Comment here and tell me some random things on your desk - things that probably shouldn't be there. And if you are one of *those* with nothing on your desk that shouldn't be there at the moment... well then, just keep quiet! ;-D
Call to Care: A.J.'s doctor appointment
May. 11th, 2005 09:29 pmFollowing up on Step 2, today was A.J.'s complete physical. Dr. McNabb was very thorough and very attentive with us, and A.J. was very cooperative and cheerful throughout the examination. I must say though, it's very hard to convince a doctor that your child has violent mood swings and can become volatilely angry when he just sits there and is compliant and happy about everything he's asked to do.
*sigh*
The doctor really checked him over for the different signs of precocious puberty. He did an exam of A.J.'s "guy parts," and he looked for abnormal growth in those areas. He checked for underarm hair, etc. He ordered a "bone age" x-ray of A.J.'s hand; apparently, it's the best place to see the results of precocious puberty.
We talked for a good, long while. The doctor is mostly in agreement with me that A.J.'s masturbation is the way he deals with his stress. He said that as long as A.J. continues to do it only in the bathroom, I could hardly ask for anything better. He told me to continue to be open and honest if A.J. asks me any questions about sex.
He also did think it was extremely relevant that the two periods in A.J.'s life when his masturbation has surfaced, Philip was gone for a long deployment. As such, he gave me a consult for A.J. to see a clinical psychologist in Children's Hospital - I was overjoyed! I don't think we could have received a better referral!
Although A.J. was happy and fine before and during the appointment, all of the talk about Philip during the exam seemed to really get him down. By lunchtime, he was sullen and complaining of his tummy hurting - all he wanted to do was lay down and not go to school. *sigh* See? The mood swings. :-/ Therefore, I just brought him back home and didn't take him in to school at all. He laid on the couch and rested for a bit, and I'm glad that he did, because Philip then called! If A.J. had been back at school, he would've missed talking to him. He talked to him for a while, and immediately after, he perked right up again - wanting to go outside and play, eat a big snack, etc.
And that's it for Step 2. Stay tuned for more.
*sigh*
The doctor really checked him over for the different signs of precocious puberty. He did an exam of A.J.'s "guy parts," and he looked for abnormal growth in those areas. He checked for underarm hair, etc. He ordered a "bone age" x-ray of A.J.'s hand; apparently, it's the best place to see the results of precocious puberty.
We talked for a good, long while. The doctor is mostly in agreement with me that A.J.'s masturbation is the way he deals with his stress. He said that as long as A.J. continues to do it only in the bathroom, I could hardly ask for anything better. He told me to continue to be open and honest if A.J. asks me any questions about sex.
He also did think it was extremely relevant that the two periods in A.J.'s life when his masturbation has surfaced, Philip was gone for a long deployment. As such, he gave me a consult for A.J. to see a clinical psychologist in Children's Hospital - I was overjoyed! I don't think we could have received a better referral!
Although A.J. was happy and fine before and during the appointment, all of the talk about Philip during the exam seemed to really get him down. By lunchtime, he was sullen and complaining of his tummy hurting - all he wanted to do was lay down and not go to school. *sigh* See? The mood swings. :-/ Therefore, I just brought him back home and didn't take him in to school at all. He laid on the couch and rested for a bit, and I'm glad that he did, because Philip then called! If A.J. had been back at school, he would've missed talking to him. He talked to him for a while, and immediately after, he perked right up again - wanting to go outside and play, eat a big snack, etc.
And that's it for Step 2. Stay tuned for more.