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The next day.
Jul. 31st, 2005 11:44 pmToday.
Well, today was both better and worse than I expected it to be. I really, truly thought that I would feel 50% better today - in the daylight, surrounded by people and friends - than I did the night before - alone, trapped with an enemy. But I waffled back and forth in my emotions all day long today, and I wasn't really expecting to do so.
I went to bed just minutes after my post last night. I didn't even see the many, many comments until this morning. I was so exhausted and drained last night, and I already had the strong workings of a bad 'too many tears' headache going, and I just wanted to fall in bed - to go to sleep and make the pain and fear stop. I am so grateful that, indeed, that is exactly what happened. Rather than being too afraid to sleep, my mind shut down as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I had a good night's rest.
But when I woke this morning to the sound of my alarm, I immediately knew the monstrous headache was back - and it had brought in buddies to party in my cranium. I certainly had no blissful fuzzy-morning seconds - those in which the day's events had not yet crowded into my thinking. No, when I woke this morning, I knew exactly who I was and what I had been through. Even if I had forgotten for just a moment, I had the bruise on my left forearm to remind me.
I didn't want to get up. I truly, truly didn't want to get up. But I had to. I had promised the boys earlier in the week that we would attend the 'Parents at Home' picnic at Halleck Park today after church, and I knew they were so excited. I also needed to go to church if for no other reason than to get directions TO Halleck Park from someone there (I knew if I waited until after church to call someone, the chances were great that no one would be home to tell me). And I also knew that I needed to talk to some people: Pastor Glenn and Nancy Pierce (my Stephen Minister), in particular. And so I dragged my throbbing head out of bed, and I dressed myself and the boys.
We were ready much too early. I found myself standing in the kitchen, fiddling my hands and just waiting until it would be "time" that we could leave. When I took stock of myself and realized what I was doing, I reasoned that it didn't matter - I could just go to the church and be early and no one would care. So we left.
We arrived much too early, but that was a good thing. The moment I walked in the door, I felt the teardrops sting my eyes again. Just being in the place where I knew people would care brought me so much comfort - comfort that touched me so much. I dropped Jack off in his place, and then I dropped off the felt letters for Ethel for the baptismal banners. Upon coming out of the copy room, I ran into Jan Pasteka. She was the perfect person to meet, as she was the coordinator of the afternoon's picnic. I got directions and her cell number from her, and just as we were about to part ways, she crooked her head, leaned into me and said, "Are you okay? You look kinda funny."
The tears flowed again. I told her what had happened just the night before, and tears welled up in her eyes as well. She enveloped me in a huge hug, and we stood in the middle of the hallway. She insisted that I not worry about making scalloped potatoes or any other dish; she just wanted me/us to come and not worry about anything else. I told her I would definitely be there - that I'd promised the boys - but that I'd be a bit late, too.
A.J. and I left the corridor, and we walked into the Narthex of the church. Janine Wegner was manning the Welcome Center, and as we walked by, she reached out and touched my arm and asked me what was wrong. I asked her quickly if she could relay a message to Nancy Pierce for me, and she moved aside just a bit to show me Nancy standing nearby. Nancy immediately took my hand, and she led us to the fellowship hall to pray. I told her what had happened, and she wiped tears from her eyes as well. She found me some tissues in her purse, and she held my hand and prayed with me. I told her that I'd like to talk longer with her, and she offered to come over this afternoon. I told her that I felt we really needed to be at the picnic, so she plans to call me tomorrow afternoon instead (though she did end up leaving a message on my phone tonight).
Once we were through, A.J. and I made our way again to the sanctuary. Just as we found seats and began to sit,
Janiece appeared out of nowhere next to me (as only she can do so well!). She gave me a great big hug, and we cried some more. Of course, she already knew what had happened from reading my entry earlier in the morning, and I think she'd been waiting for me to walk in the door. She sat with me all through Pastor Glenn's announcements and we talked. She produced another magical tissue for me as well. When the service truly started, she got up to join her family and told me she'd be back at the end of the service.
Throughout the service, I found myself having an unbelievably difficult time singing the worship songs. It's so impossible to sing uplifting songs without a smile on your face, and it's so hard to smile brightly through such tears; therefore, I found it so difficult to sing. I wanted to toss my cares away during the hour I was there, but I was finding it so hard to do so. The service was an especially touching one, too: the mission team that had just returned from the Dominican Republic gave their presentations in lieu of a sermon. The pictures of the children, of the living conditions, of the lifestyles and the testimonies given by the mission team brought many in the service to tears, but for me opened the floodgates that had somehow still been in reserve.
As we filed out after the service, we shook hands with the mission team members. When I came to my good friend and fellow care circle-member, Chris, she already knew what had happened and jumped out of line to give me huge hugs. I saw the tears in her eyes, too and I began to really become overwhelmed at just how MUCH so MANY people cared. True to her word, Janiece then found me in line, and she held my hand and walked me to Pastor Glenn. As I looked at him and he looked at me, I found that I didn't know just how or what to say, but Janiece filled in instead. "She was robbed last night. At knifepoint."
She said no more, but Pastor Glenn's face was stricken with alarm and concern instantly. He immediately left his 'post,' and he led us all to the Heritage Sanctuary to pray quietly. He held A.J.'s hand as well, and he talked with Janiece, A.J. and I for a little bit afterwards. Finally, I had to leave to go and get Jack out of his room.
We managed to pick up Jack without too much ado, and then Janiece walked with me all the way to our van. She couldn't attend the picnic this afternoon, but she was definitely a presence for me this morning. When we arrived back home, I found this waiting for me, along with a note:
The flower fairy heard about yesterday
and thought these might brighten your day.
So pretty! The 'flower fairy' always knows exactly what I like!
I returned a call to my mom. When not able to reach me earlier, my mom had called Heather to find out what had happened, so she already knew the situation. We talked for a little bit, and like Philip, she most fervently just wished she could be here right now. I called Philip's parents as well, and we talked until time for the boys and I to leave for the picnic.
(more maybe after my shower... I desperately need one now)
Well, today was both better and worse than I expected it to be. I really, truly thought that I would feel 50% better today - in the daylight, surrounded by people and friends - than I did the night before - alone, trapped with an enemy. But I waffled back and forth in my emotions all day long today, and I wasn't really expecting to do so.
I went to bed just minutes after my post last night. I didn't even see the many, many comments until this morning. I was so exhausted and drained last night, and I already had the strong workings of a bad 'too many tears' headache going, and I just wanted to fall in bed - to go to sleep and make the pain and fear stop. I am so grateful that, indeed, that is exactly what happened. Rather than being too afraid to sleep, my mind shut down as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I had a good night's rest.
But when I woke this morning to the sound of my alarm, I immediately knew the monstrous headache was back - and it had brought in buddies to party in my cranium. I certainly had no blissful fuzzy-morning seconds - those in which the day's events had not yet crowded into my thinking. No, when I woke this morning, I knew exactly who I was and what I had been through. Even if I had forgotten for just a moment, I had the bruise on my left forearm to remind me.
I didn't want to get up. I truly, truly didn't want to get up. But I had to. I had promised the boys earlier in the week that we would attend the 'Parents at Home' picnic at Halleck Park today after church, and I knew they were so excited. I also needed to go to church if for no other reason than to get directions TO Halleck Park from someone there (I knew if I waited until after church to call someone, the chances were great that no one would be home to tell me). And I also knew that I needed to talk to some people: Pastor Glenn and Nancy Pierce (my Stephen Minister), in particular. And so I dragged my throbbing head out of bed, and I dressed myself and the boys.
We were ready much too early. I found myself standing in the kitchen, fiddling my hands and just waiting until it would be "time" that we could leave. When I took stock of myself and realized what I was doing, I reasoned that it didn't matter - I could just go to the church and be early and no one would care. So we left.
We arrived much too early, but that was a good thing. The moment I walked in the door, I felt the teardrops sting my eyes again. Just being in the place where I knew people would care brought me so much comfort - comfort that touched me so much. I dropped Jack off in his place, and then I dropped off the felt letters for Ethel for the baptismal banners. Upon coming out of the copy room, I ran into Jan Pasteka. She was the perfect person to meet, as she was the coordinator of the afternoon's picnic. I got directions and her cell number from her, and just as we were about to part ways, she crooked her head, leaned into me and said, "Are you okay? You look kinda funny."
The tears flowed again. I told her what had happened just the night before, and tears welled up in her eyes as well. She enveloped me in a huge hug, and we stood in the middle of the hallway. She insisted that I not worry about making scalloped potatoes or any other dish; she just wanted me/us to come and not worry about anything else. I told her I would definitely be there - that I'd promised the boys - but that I'd be a bit late, too.
A.J. and I left the corridor, and we walked into the Narthex of the church. Janine Wegner was manning the Welcome Center, and as we walked by, she reached out and touched my arm and asked me what was wrong. I asked her quickly if she could relay a message to Nancy Pierce for me, and she moved aside just a bit to show me Nancy standing nearby. Nancy immediately took my hand, and she led us to the fellowship hall to pray. I told her what had happened, and she wiped tears from her eyes as well. She found me some tissues in her purse, and she held my hand and prayed with me. I told her that I'd like to talk longer with her, and she offered to come over this afternoon. I told her that I felt we really needed to be at the picnic, so she plans to call me tomorrow afternoon instead (though she did end up leaving a message on my phone tonight).
Once we were through, A.J. and I made our way again to the sanctuary. Just as we found seats and began to sit,
Janiece appeared out of nowhere next to me (as only she can do so well!). She gave me a great big hug, and we cried some more. Of course, she already knew what had happened from reading my entry earlier in the morning, and I think she'd been waiting for me to walk in the door. She sat with me all through Pastor Glenn's announcements and we talked. She produced another magical tissue for me as well. When the service truly started, she got up to join her family and told me she'd be back at the end of the service.Throughout the service, I found myself having an unbelievably difficult time singing the worship songs. It's so impossible to sing uplifting songs without a smile on your face, and it's so hard to smile brightly through such tears; therefore, I found it so difficult to sing. I wanted to toss my cares away during the hour I was there, but I was finding it so hard to do so. The service was an especially touching one, too: the mission team that had just returned from the Dominican Republic gave their presentations in lieu of a sermon. The pictures of the children, of the living conditions, of the lifestyles and the testimonies given by the mission team brought many in the service to tears, but for me opened the floodgates that had somehow still been in reserve.
As we filed out after the service, we shook hands with the mission team members. When I came to my good friend and fellow care circle-member, Chris, she already knew what had happened and jumped out of line to give me huge hugs. I saw the tears in her eyes, too and I began to really become overwhelmed at just how MUCH so MANY people cared. True to her word, Janiece then found me in line, and she held my hand and walked me to Pastor Glenn. As I looked at him and he looked at me, I found that I didn't know just how or what to say, but Janiece filled in instead. "She was robbed last night. At knifepoint."
She said no more, but Pastor Glenn's face was stricken with alarm and concern instantly. He immediately left his 'post,' and he led us all to the Heritage Sanctuary to pray quietly. He held A.J.'s hand as well, and he talked with Janiece, A.J. and I for a little bit afterwards. Finally, I had to leave to go and get Jack out of his room.
We managed to pick up Jack without too much ado, and then Janiece walked with me all the way to our van. She couldn't attend the picnic this afternoon, but she was definitely a presence for me this morning. When we arrived back home, I found this waiting for me, along with a note:
The
flower fairy heard about yesterdayand thought these might brighten your day.
So pretty! The 'flower fairy' always knows exactly what I like!
I returned a call to my mom. When not able to reach me earlier, my mom had called Heather to find out what had happened, so she already knew the situation. We talked for a little bit, and like Philip, she most fervently just wished she could be here right now. I called Philip's parents as well, and we talked until time for the boys and I to leave for the picnic.
(more maybe after my shower... I desperately need one now)
