navygreen: (Rock: o rly?)
So, later this afternoon, Philip was in the master bathroom, and I was prancing around the bedroom in my t-shirt and panties. I have no clue why I hadn't put my jeans back on, except that I might've, maybe, been pondering taking a quick nap. Anyway. Philip looks at me kinda funny and says, "Do you know that your panties are on inside-out?"

And I look down. And they are. And they have been for the whole day, even as I attached a pantyliner to them.

And I feel goofy and clueless, but I'm totally, "Meh. I'm not going to bother fixing it back now. I'll leave 'em."

---

Fast-forward about three hours, and Philip has been lounging in a t-shirt and sleep pants. He goes off to pee, and comes back into the office almost immediately. "Wow, I've been going criss-cross!" he says. I look up and see that for the past few hours, he's had his sleep pants on backwards! He only noticed as he tried to go pee!

LOL!

We're a matching set, we are. We call ourselves "Criss-Cross" and "Flip-Flop." :-)
navygreen: (Music)
I need a day to... just be.

I need a day where it is silent if I want it to be.
I need a day where I can play whatever music I want to, as loud as I want to.
I need a day where I only answer the phone when I want to, not because I feel obligated to.
I need a day where I only think about me. What I want. What makes me happy.

I need a day to go wherever it is I want to go, whether that means flying down the highway or snuggled in bed with the covers over my head.
I need a day to get all the things done that I want to.
A day where I don't have to get anything done if I don't.

I need a day where I don't have to be responsible, where I don't have to consider feelings, and where I can just let loose.
I need a day where I don't have to act like me.
I need a day where I can truly be me, and I don't have to "act" at all.
A day where I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.
A day where I can look inside and be just as happy with who I am.

A whole day. A day and night, as nighttime is my favorite time.

It's not just a want. This is what I need.

Bullets:

Oct. 5th, 2008 04:41 pm
navygreen: (Halloween: pumpkin)
I'm so busy lately, and I keep meaning to update, but then have no time to do so. As a result, here are some bullets of the going-ons in my life as of late:

  • Runza was burglarized on Friday, the 26th. No one was at the store at the time (it as early morning - about 6am), so we were all safe.

  • But it's an "inside job," as someone used a key and also was able to open the safe to empty the contents (and said safe has a pretty complex code).

  • This is causing me GREAT unease. I clearly don't know someone as well as I thought I did - whether it is one of us four current staff with such access (including myself), or one of the two staff who left in the last couple months (both of whom I consider to be friends).

  • The fingerprint dust from the detectives all over the office caused me to have several freak-outs. Too much of a trigger from the other robberies. *sigh*

  • Because of the burglary, we have been piecing the store back together in the past week. I have worked a lot of hours. A LOT. And this past week contained the "end of month" stuff for my monthly bookkeeping role anyway. It has been a really heavy week.

  • Next week looks to be about the same for the first three days. The four of us are also now required to travel to Lincoln, to the Runza National office, to be interviewed individually by a theft committee.

  • We're still waiting to hear the final word on taking polygraphs. We were told originally that we would need to, we all agreed to do so, and then they decided, "No, not just yet. Let's do the committee meetings first."

  • I received a lovely, super-duper surprise from [livejournal.com profile] mostcurious! She knitted me my very own, PoA-style Slytherin scarf! I don't have pics to share yet, though. :-/

  • I got my hair cut on Friday night after work. I told the gal to do what she wanted, and it is VERY different! Again, no pics yet.

  • The boys' school pictures came in, and they are both good. A.J.'s pic is PHENOMENAL, in fact. I was very pleased, and I've been working on getting them mailed out.

  • I took family portraits for a friend visiting from Florida on very short notice, and she LOVES them. I'm very happy, and you can see those HERE, if you're interested. I still need to burn her a CD of the images and mail it to her...

  • Today is my little godson's birthday! Only he's not so little anymore - he's now TWO! Happy Birthday, Douglas!

  • It is OCTOBER already. How did that happen?! Seriously, Jack will have been 7 for two months already next week, and A.J.'s been 10 almost as long. That is insane! My little (not so much!) guys haven't yet decided on costumes for this year, though we keep looking...

  • I still need to get Halloween decorations up. Jack has been begging to put them up this year (I didn't decorate last year at all, as October was a difficult time), and I was just too darn busy this week. I'm hoping to get to it before...

  • [livejournal.com profile] bigbrain61 comes to visit on Wednesday! Dude, I'm so stoked! I've known him online for about 5.5 years now, and we'll finally get to meet in person! He'll be here from Wednesday evening to early Friday afternoon - I can't wait!

  • Speaking of online friends, I passed my 6th LiveJournal anniversary on 09/22. Can you believe that? Craziness! Thanks to all of you who've made this such a great place for so many, many years. *hug*

  • Aaaaannnnnd, in BIGGER news, Philip and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary on 9/12. We marked the occasion by renewing our vows, and a handful of very close friends celebrated with us at our church. There were tears, of course, but for the first time in about a year, they were really HAPPY tears! Heather took a few pics for me, but I don't have them up yet, either...

  • Also in the works, Philip and I are headed to Colorado in January for a ski trip! We will be gone for five days, and it will be only the second time we've ever been alone in our entire marriage (the first was for one night last December while we were in West Virginia). We've already paid our deposits, and we're really looking forward to it. Philip will be skiing and snowboarding, and I plan to veg out in the beautiful scenery with my camera, some tatting, and good hot cocoas. We'll spend our evenings in the condo with another couple, making homemade meals and chatting and playing games - I'm so excited!


I'm sure there's so much more I need to update about, but I've got to get moving and push some more laundry through. I've got leaves to rake in the backyard, laundry to put away, dinner to fix, and a mandatory full-staff employee meeting tonight to attend as well. Go, go, go - that's me!
navygreen: (Shakespeare: quill)
*sigh*

Most of the time, there just aren't enough words for what I need to write.
navygreen: (Cruel Intentions: Sebastian - ugh)
I sneeze stupidly. Really, I hate the way my sneezes sound.

*sigh*

Thank you.

Jun. 14th, 2008 11:10 pm
navygreen: (HP: Hermione - Dr. Pepper)
I received a box today from [livejournal.com profile] flyingwolf. Inside, I found goodies: four DVDs the boys will LOVE (documentary-type stuff, plus MythBusters!), one of her very own tie-dyed scarfs for me, a notecard of her own gorgeous picture made into pro stationary, and a whole bag of Coke caps. She is too kind, for sure.

I got a box yesterday from [livejournal.com profile] magnummom, but I was expecting it. Still, I'm now the proud owner of my fourth camera lens!

The doorbell rang today while I was decluttering Jack's school papers, and it was [livejournal.com profile] ctr29's husband, stopping by with a surprise flower delivery for me. Too sweet, and too gorgeous. She had written an encouraging note inside the flowers, too.

Last week sometime, I received a handmade card from [livejournal.com profile] 1grl_revolution - so pretty. She's really just so good at making the cards, and yet she still finds time to scrapbook!

[livejournal.com profile] poetlady has taken the time to check in on me almost every day, and she even called once. I heard that [livejournal.com profile] purrrplekitty sent a text message as well, but since Philip always has the cell phone, I've not yet seen it. And I believe [livejournal.com profile] lesliepear was the first to LJ-"nudge" me over a week ago. That says something in itself, since you can't "nudge" someone until they've not posted in a week.

And several of you have checked in on me through comments or by email: [livejournal.com profile] desertmommy, [livejournal.com profile] loquacis, [livejournal.com profile] scarletharlot52, [livejournal.com profile] mrs_picasso, [livejournal.com profile] livemockingbird, [livejournal.com profile] saffirebleu, [livejournal.com profile] manicmomma, [livejournal.com profile] chelelev... I hope I'm not forgetting anyone (please forgive me). I appreciate your keeping me in your thoughts right now. It's touching me so deeply, really.

[livejournal.com profile] hetterrific and [livejournal.com profile] lilmissriss, thank you for being here "in real life." For making me smile, making me go do stuff, and taking my mind to other places, even if just temporarily.

Thank you all.
navygreen: (HP: Avada Kedavra)
Why isn't my time important or valuable? Why should or would I want to spend my time doing things for you, only to not even be acknowledged later?

I can see maybe once, but for two solid days? Nobody wants a doormat, right, but they certainly don't mind using one if it's there. And that's me.

Whatever. I'm just done.
navygreen: (HP: Scourgify)
... or possibly, while not thinking hardly at all, I came up with this gem on Wednesday at work:

Why do we call it "iced tea"? To serve this drink, we fill a cup completely with ice, then pour tea over it. To be more correct, I suggested to Ryan that we should call it "tea'd ice" instead.

There were lots of long, strange looks and *crickets* at my suggestion. Whatever - they know I make sense, and plenty of it!

;-)
navygreen: (High)
Philip and the boys left a little bit ago for Coco Key. We all went back on Jan. 13th, with tickets to the boys as Christmas gifts from [livejournal.com profile] squeak_a_chu's family, and it was so much fun. Philip got free tickets from the squadron earlier this week, and we'd been planning to go, but we didn't tell the boys until yesterday at dinner. They were so jazzed, of course!

...

Except that I just couldn't do it this time. I just couldn't get excited. I tried all day to get revved about it, but I still wasn't once it was finally time to go. I even put my contacts in for the first time this year (I wore my glasses the last time, and naturally, the water spots on the lenses made it a bit hard to see well at times) to prepare for going. But then I just stood there and stood there in the bathroom, and I couldn't make myself put on my swimsuit and get ready - even when I knew that all three of them were already suited up, ready to go, and waiting in the living room.

I'm happy that they're going to have a good time, and I know that they will. I don't think I would have, as I've got no interest today in riding waterslides or rafting down rivers. I didn't even feel like taking the camera and just taking pictures. I just wasn't excited about it. I'm disappointed in myself for that, but I'm rational enough to know that, sometimes, I just need to go with what I'm feeling and feel it.

I'm really at peace with the decision. I haven't shed a tear over being here alone, and I've been getting some things done that I've wanted to. There's something to be said about being alone on a nice day, with the windows and doors open, the tunes that *I* want to hear cranked all the way up, just enjoying the time to hear myself think and sort through things that I've wanted to. I'm tackling a pile of pictures and memorabilia on my bench, sorting it into different years for scrapbooking later on, and it feels nice to make such good progress.

But I don't want anyone to think Coco Key isn't fun, and I've been meaning to post these pictures forEVER, so I'm finally doing it now. :-)

A.J., Jack and Nicole
A.J., Jack and me - floating away on our rafts.


Lots )
navygreen: (Quote myself)
Looking over my last post, I'm amazed at how I can turn the simplest story into such a long post.

Is this a gift... or a curse?

Quotable.

Mar. 7th, 2008 11:01 pm
navygreen: (Quote myself)
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours." ~ Richard Bach


My friend [livejournal.com profile] greencow posted this a few days ago, and I've been tossing it over and again in my mind. I love it, and it really strikes a chord deep within me. I've been keeping it visible, and now I feel like sharing it as well.

A wish.

Feb. 15th, 2008 12:34 am
navygreen: (Pearl Harbor)
Make a wish! The clock says 12:34, and that's prime wish-making time!

Long ago, in the days of old, I had a clock icon. Now I have nothing appropriate. Ah, well.

I've felt a change in me lately, and it's about time. A change has happened and is still happening each and every day. I feel compelled to tell people exactly what I'm thinking or feeling. Very akin to the radical honesty approach I posted several months ago, I feel there isn't time to waste.

And so I have been practicing. I try to tell my innermost thoughts as I have them to the people they concern or benefit. If I'm happy about a particular circumstance or moment in time, I'm trying to remember to voice my elation. If I'm sad, I'm much quicker to tell those around me that are likely to aid in my feeling better. If someone does a good job at something, I try to tell them how much I either noticed or appreciated their efforts. When I find myself missing someone, I reach out to them in some way. At the end of the day, when I lay my head down, I want to know with certainty that, if a person has crossed my mind at some point in the day, I have done something to show them that I care.

If nothing else, it's a commitment to live more in the moment than I have in the past. I want to do things to the fullest of my ability, and I don't want there to be words left that I should have said. For those that I care about, I want them to know that I love, that they are loved, and that friendship is love. I want my friends and family to know they are in my thoughts always, my prayers sometimes, and my heart forever.

I'm striving to be honest in every way, and I feel the profound difference it is making in my life. I hope I am strong enough to continue growing along this path.
navygreen: (Teeny Super Guy)
For over a year, the title of my journal was "The Real Thing." I chose this title back when I implemented my own Coca-Cola themed layout, and it was a perfect fit. Eventually, I switched over to a new layout (back this fall, I think?), but I never changed the title.

Until last night. Just before bed, I renamed my journal, "A mess of a dreamer." It's fitting in so many ways, just as "The Real Thing" was so perfect for so long.
navygreen: (Christmas - socks)
Hi December,

I'm counting on you more than I'd like to. Please don't hurt me. Let's work it, and I know we can be a better month.

Let me remember your glory. Let me remember the things that happen in you. Let me remember how magical your month can feel. You're the month of hope, right? Let me live in you these next 31 days. Let me feel your magic and promise.

Promise me, December?

Hopefully yours,
Nicole

I Believe.

Nov. 14th, 2007 06:09 pm
navygreen: (Candle)
I Believe...

that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.

that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have.

that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

that either you control your attitude, or it controls you.

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

that sometimes when I'm angry, I have the right to be angry. Even so, that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

that the people you care about most in life are taken from you much too soon.

that life is more precious than money will ever be able to be.

that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
navygreen: (Me: flake)
It seems that depression is one helluva weight loss plan. As of today, I'm now down 21.5 pounds. This weight loss has all occurred in the last five weeks.

I wore my 'Flake' shirt (as seen in the icon above) yesterday, and it was literally too big on me. I've had that shirt for almost two years now, and it was tight enough to show "backfat" last year. Now? It just hangs.

I'm feeling mighty good tonight, as I've just put on a pair of brand-new jeans in the next size down (my other pair of jeans - which I just bought seven weeks ago - are now so loose that they literally slip off of me as I walk. I can shimmy out of them with the buckle and zipper still done, even). And these jeans look GOOD tonight. Not only that, but I'm wearing a brand-new sweater that I purchased for myself last weekend, and the sweater is down a size, too.

I feel pretty tonight. That's an improvement in itself.

Maybe this post should be titled, "On the minus side...", eh?
navygreen: (Shakespeare: quill)
I can't explain my absence. Thank you to those dear friends who have checked in on me in the past several days - I do truly appreciate your care.

I wish there could be more. I was, and to some degree, still am in a place where writing is difficult. The "swing of things" felt like it might not come back.

But thanks.
navygreen: (R + J: Romeo - cigarette)
My feelers are hurt. Really hurt. I had some tears last night, but today I just want to lash out.

Because my feelers are hurt.
navygreen: (Departed: spelling)
I am so thankful I do not have "buck-teeth" that stick out the front when I smile.

It's the little things in life, you know. And I like my teeth. I keep floss on hand at all times, and I'm often found to be using floss while waiting at stop lights or in parking lots.

*sigh*

Aug. 28th, 2007 03:35 pm
navygreen: (HP: Draco - crying)
My heart is hurting a little bit today. I suppose I'm just immature - that's what is said, anyway.

I mailed out several gifts this afternoon. I hope they are appreciated. I'm working on more right now, and I also need to mail out the Colonial Lady and her framing stuff to Philip's mom (but I need to find a larger box for it first). So far, the tatting flies out of here just as quickly as I can make it.

I want to give the car a good vacuuming and washing before Philip comes home and sees it for the first time. I'm trying to figure out when would be the best time to do that, however, that wouldn't risk it getting any dirt on it between when I do it and when he sees it.

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